The reading this week has been very helpful in viewing any problems in my marriage and has helped me to determine if they are solvable or if we are going to have to learn to live with them forever. It gave me some new insights on how I can tell the difference and how I should approach each type of problem. After reading the chapter on consecration in Wallace Goddard's book titled "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage", I realized that I have a long way to go and many areas I need to work on. I think this starts by truly relying on the Lord and allowing the Atonement to change me and my views. I think one area I can work on is anger. A conference talk by Elder Lynn G. Robbins titled "Agency and Anger" Here is the link to read this talk. https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/414034-Online.2018.Spring.FAML300.01/Course%20Files/Agency%20and%20Anger.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=oywo04Q4tyGDFf1dxY5eopdB2&ou=414034
I think the world today teaches us that it is okay to be angry and to hold grudges against those who hurt us. That we are justified in these actions and that it is the other person's problem. I know I have lost control to anger in my life. In my experience nothing good ever comes from anger. You end up hurting others around you and ultimately yourself. I realized as a youth I would get so angry so fast after I had let many things build up. Once something broke the lid, everything came out and I didn't understand a healthy way to deal with all the hurt and anger inside of me. There was a moment where I realized I had a problem. I asked for my Father in Heaven's help. It took some time but I was able to keep my anger in check even though I still didn't know how to deal with all of the emotions I experienced in life. It was after I had children, when they were old enough to talk back or be defiant that it showed up again. I don't like the person I turn into when I am angry and feel regret immediately for losing my temper. This is an area I have been trying to work on so that my kids remember me as the happy person I am most of the time and not the "mean mom" as I call my angry side. I want to show them healthy ways to deal with emotions. As I was reading Elder Robbins talk it reminded me that it is a choice I make to allow anger to enter my life. He said that this is part of Satan's cunning plan to make us think we have no control over anger and that we are victims of this emotion. Elder Robbins continues saying "He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members. Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29; emphasis added). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers."
“Can ye be angry, and not sin?” The Lord is very clear on this issue: “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
“Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Ne. 11:29–30)".
I realized that I need to work harder on remembering I have a choice on how I react and if I allow anger to enter my life. I know life isn't fair and there are times when things don't go our way or others are mean or rude to us, but I set a goal to remember I have a choice. I am in control of my emotions and not the other way around. I have seen anger and pride ruin some relationships lately and it just breaks my heart when those affected feel justified to being angry and not allowing the forgiveness or humility to enter their hearts.
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